The Outtake Show
by evil leprechaun
Summary: its a show with funny outtakes if i do say so myself ^_^
1. Episode 1 The Phantom Mutant

DISCLAIMER: we don't own any part of X men though we wish we could own Nightcrawler and Wolverine ^_^ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lilo: Welcome to the Outtake show!! All outtakes all the time!!  
  
Suzu: We're your host for the evening! Guten tag and hazar to all I am Suzu!  
  
Lilo: and I am Lilo!  
  
Suzu: We are here tonight to bring you the outtakes from the new hit movie X2 X-men united!  
  
Lilo: ::jumps out of the chair:: WOO-HOO! we have some great outtakes for u today! And to help us today we have two special guests!  
  
Suzu: Here they are from our featured movie, here are Wolverine and Nightcrawler! *applause*  
  
Suzu: ::Wolverine walks out and sits in a seat, beer in hand::  
  
Suzu: ::Nightcrawler appears in the seat with a loud *BAMF*::  
  
Lilo: welcome guys!  
  
Wolverine: hey ::drinks his beer::  
  
Nightcrawler: Thank you for inviting us  
  
Lilo: so Nightcrawler......should I call you Nightcrawler of just Kurt?  
  
::looks out at all the people giving Nightcrawler weird looks::  
  
NC: Just Kurt vould be fine.  
  
Lilo: Okie dokie ::looks at wolverine:: what about u? Is it ok if i call u Logan?  
  
W: eh ::takes another sip::  
  
Lilo: ::whispers to suzu:: not very talkative is he?  
  
Suzu: ::shrugs:: Okay! How about we roll some outtakes!! Now for our first outtake, Wolverine would you mind telling us about this one?  
  
W: ::crumples up the empty can and throws it away::  
  
Suzu: ::snickers::  
  
W: just call me Logan.......ok this first clip is of me and Elf here he keeps teleportin' and makin' stupid jokes and well......ill just let ya watch the rest  
  
NC: Yes and a hint for this clip is my teleports smell like brimstone.  
  
Lilo: Roll it!  
  
::Kurt jumps in the air:: *BAMF!* Safety *BAMF!* Safety *BAMF!* Safety! *BAMF!* Logan: DOORKNOB!! ::clotheslines Kurt in midair::  
  
Lilo: ::claps:: that was really funny I must say *laugh* *applause*  
  
Suzu: Yes, quite!  
  
LIilo: Logan what was your inspiration for this particular scene?  
  
W: I just pretended it was Cyclops ::evil grin::  
  
Suzu: ::laughs::  
  
Suzu: Ok now for our next outtake, Kurt would you like explain for us?  
  
NC: Yes, this take is actually two of our friends spying on me in the shower between takes.  
  
Suz:: Roll it!  
  
::a camera lense moves through out Kurt's trailer towards the bathroom and snickers are heard from the background:: ::they push the bathroom door open and stick the camera lense in the shower:: ::Kurt is in the shower with a shower cap and a back scrubber:: Rubber ducky you're the one! BADUM BADUM! You make bath time so much fun! BADUM BAD- ::sees the camera:: HEY!!!  
  
::wolverine almost falls out of his chair he's laughing so hard::  
  
::Suz is tryin' to keep from laughing::  
  
NC: *mumbles under breath* Verdammte Auslanders.  
  
W: I heard that elf boy  
  
NC: *whistles*  
  
W: *grumbles*  
  
Lilo: ::looks at suz:: that was his tail.......right?  
  
Suz: ::looks the other way::..  
  
Lilo: ::turns bright red::  
  
Suz: ::turns 5 shades of pink::  
  
Lilo: O........k *cough* this next clip is of Ice Man and Pyro. Young Bobby is so preoccupied with showing off for Rouge, he doesn't realize where his ice is going which is unfortunate for everyone's favorite fire manipulator  
  
Lilo: Roll it!  
  
:: Bobby is making various flowers out of ice for Rouge. He decides to show her how fast he can travel on top of his ice:: ::he takes off leaving a trail of really slippery ice right in front of the doorway. Pyro is preoccupied with his lighter and walks through the doorway and immediately falls on his butt::  
  
And now a word from our sponsor!  
  
TROJAN MAAAAAAAAAN!!!!! ::guys hum in the background::  
  
Lilo: o.O since when did they become our sponsors?!?!??  
  
Suz: Ever since our other sponsor quit on us  
  
::Kurt hums with the trojan guys::  
  
Lilo: Ooooook. Suz, why don't you tell us about the next clip?  
  
::was over talking with kurt about something, puts the pen back in her pocket and sits down::  
  
Lilo: give him your number after the show Suz  
  
Suz: little too late for that.  
  
Lilo: oh brother... introduce the next clip  
  
Suz: Okay well our next clip includes Kurt and Mystique, uh Kurt could you tell us a little about this before we watch it?  
  
NC: ::lookin at his hand:: *mumbles* 555-  
  
Suz:Hey Kurt!  
  
NC: huh? Oh yea uh, this next scene involves me annoying Mystique.  
  
Lilo: Roll it!  
  
::between scenes they're standing there and Kurt is hoping up and down:: OKay now change into Wolverine!  
  
::changes::  
  
Ok now change into......THAT TREE!!!  
  
No.....  
  
Awwwwww come on pweease?!!?  
  
......Fine ::turns into a tree::  
  
Ok ok now turn into me again!  
  
::rolls her eyes:: will you leave me alone? ::he nods like a 5 yr old:: fine ::turns into kurt::  
  
::he walks around mystique:: Man I'm fat.  
  
Lilo: Well thats all we have today!  
  
Suz: Turn in tomorrow for the second half of our show!  
  
Suz: A special thanx to our guests Wolverine and Nightcrawler! ::gives the call me sign to Kurt::  
  
W: no problem Lilo: we'll see you guys ::winks at wolverine:: and all u lovely viewers later!  
  
W: ::responds with a nod::  
  
NC: Yes, thank you for having us  
  
Lilo: BYE! 


	2. Episode 2 Attack of the Clips

This story was co written by Rei Spiegel ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hey! Were back! Unfortunately we don't own X-Men. ::banging and muffled yells that sound vaguely like the word "help" are heard in the background::....uhhhh..* COUGH *..R&R please!! ^_^; *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Suz: Guten Tag Mein Leibechen ::does eyebrow thing::  
  
Lilo: Hello to all! Welcome back to the Outtake Show!  
  
::the "Applause" sign comes on::  
  
Audience member: ::cheer, shout, anything remotely related to applause::  
  
Suz: Yes! And let's welcome back our special guests from last time! Kurt Wagner and Logan......uhh :no last name given:  
  
Audience: ::cheereth::  
  
::Kurt and Logan walk on stage and sit down, Logan has blue markings all over his face, but has no idea::  
  
Lilo: *Snicker Snicker*  
  
Suz: ::raises an eyebrow, then looks at Kurt who is also snickering::  
  
::Logan looks around at the giggling audience:: ..........What??  
  
Suz: ::Straightens up:: Oh nothing, Lilo would you like to introduce our first outtake?  
  
Lilo: Sure! Our first clip is from a home video taken at the X2 premiere after party. It involves some very drunken mutants and.. KARAOKE!!!  
  
*DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN*  
  
::Logan and Kurt's eyes widen in fear::  
  
Lilo: ROLL IT!  
  
:: The camera moves down a hallway. You can hear muffled music coming from one of the rooms:: *giggle, giggle* ::The door is opened to reveal Logan, Scott, Kurt, and Bobby dancing around with microphones in their hands and nacho hats on their heads::  
  
NACHO, NACHO MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!! I WANNA BE A NACHO MAAAAN!!!  
  
HEY! *pose*  
  
HEY! *pose*  
  
HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!....... ::The girls with the camera burst out laughing::  
  
Lilo: Wasn't that great! ::Turns to Logan:: You're so cute when you sing!  
  
::Suz just giggles::  
  
::Kurt and Logan are frozen with looks of horror on their faces::  
  
Logan: How did they get that??  
  
Suz: Oh we have ways.  
  
Kurt: *gulp*  
  
Lilo: ::evil grin:: OK Logan, how about you introduce our next clip?  
  
Logan: this one is from the movie. Kitty is trying to phase through her bed but somethin goes wrong.  
  
Suz: ROLL IT!!  
  
::faint noises are heard in the background. The camera zooms in on the peacefully sleeping Kitty. All of a sudden, a series of yells and loud bangs startle her awake. Frightened, she attempts to phase through her bed.::  
:: The scene moves to the room below hers. It's empty.::  
  
Kitty: Uhhhhh...up here.......  
  
:: The camera moves up to show Kitty dangling from the ceiling. Her legs and one of her arms is stuck in the ceiling::  
  
* a good snickering is had by all*  
  
Lilo: Kurt, why don't you introduce our next clip?  
  
Kurt: Uh of course. The next clip is actually very recent. Just a little a prank I am playing on zhe cast. ROLL IT!!!!!!  
  
::Kurt is running around the Xavier mansion, a head cam strapped to his forehead and in his 3 fingered hand he wields a blue sharpie:: :: Hanging from the ceiling by his tail, he draws symbols resembling the ones on his forehead on Wolverine's face::  
  
Audience: *extreme giggleage*  
  
::He continues this until he has the entire cast symbolified::  
  
Audience: *more giggleage*  
  
::Before turning off the camera he turns it towards him:: That'll teach them for not letting me introduce myself.  
  
::Logan rubs his fingers over his face. He sees the blue smudges on his fingers::  
  
Logan: ::looks up at Kurt:: *low, evil growl*  
  
Kurt: O.O Uh oh.......Uh Hey Logan, it vas only a joke....heh heh....  
  
*BAMF!*  
  
Logan: COME OUT HERE YOU FUZZY LITTLE SONUVA...  
  
*This is a message brought to you by your local broadcasting company.*  
  
:: insert Wheaties jingle here::  
  
::Is trying to stop Logan from killing Kurt who is hiding on one of the rafters::  
  
Logan: ::he shoots out his claws and uses them to climb the metal supports::  
  
Suz: Logan, if you don't stop, I'll pull out the outtakes of you singing songs from ANNIE!!  
  
Logan: ::looks at Suz:: O.O  
  
Lilo: she's right ::holds up the tapes:: the VCR's just around the corner Logan.  
  
::Kurt busts out laughing::  
  
Logan: ::pushes Kurt off the rafter then jumps back down:: Fine.  
  
Kurt: ::catches himself on the rafter by his tail::  
  
Suz: ::looks up:: Kurt. Sit down.  
  
Kurt: *BAMF!* ::appears back in his chair::  
  
Suz: Ok then........ And now for our next outtake, Kurt would you be so kind as to introduce our next clip?  
  
Kurt: Yes, this is between takes when Logan and Scott were sitting and having a few beers.  
  
Suz: Roll it!  
  
::Logan and Scott are sitting there drink beers, when Logan lets out a loud belch.::  
  
::Not to be outdone, Scott downs his beer and lets out a louder belch.::  
  
::Logan cracks another beer open, takes a swig and takes a louder longer belch.::  
  
::well basically all hell breaks loose and the belches get louder and longer until Logan belches so loud he cracks a mirror.::  
  
Scott: Ok, ok you win.  
  
Lilo: o.O that was grotesque.  
  
::Suz just smirks:: That was great, but you're both amateurs.  
  
Lilo: OK how about you wrap things up with this next clip Logan.  
  
Logan: This last clip is a personal favorite of mine. Jean gets a small cut which causes the pansy...I mean Scott to overreact slightly and I.......sedate him. ::smirks::  
  
Lilo: Roll it.  
  
::Jean is seen moving stacks of paper around. She suddenly drops the stack in her hand::  
  
Jean: OW! Great I got a paper cut.  
  
:: a tiny drop of blood escapes her finger just in time for Scott to see::  
  
Scott: OH MY GOD! JEAN YOURE HURT!! ::proceeds to run around the room in circles screaming "HELP!" and "MEDIC!"::  
  
::Logan walks in the room and sees the spastic Scott and annoyed Jean::  
  
Logan: Oh brother.....::walks over to Scott and raises his fist and waits for him to come closer.:: wait for it..........wait for it...... *BAM!*  
  
::Scott falls to the floor with a thud::  
  
::Audience bursts out laughing::  
  
Lilo: *gasps for air* You sedated him alright!  
  
Lilo: Well, that's all the time we have for today  
  
Suz: Tune in next time!  
  
Suz: Let's give a special thanks to our returning guests Logan and Kurt!  
  
*APPLAUSE*  
  
Lilo: We'll see you next time!  
  
Suz: ::waves:: BYE BYE!! Lilo: SMOOCHES!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well that's it for now R&R PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! 


	3. The Episode Formerly Known As 3

This story was co-written by Rei Spiegel  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ DICLAIMER: We do not own any part of X-men........yet. * insert malevolent cackle here *  
  
Oh, we don't own the Blues Brothers song (I Got Everything I Need) Almost, nor do we own Mac Hall's idea for the risk game, or Risky Business.  
  
We would like to thank all of you for reviewing. You guys rock! Just keep reviewing k  
  
Antisocial But Lonely 2 - I think we got around the title problem pretty well but thanx for the suggestion. ^_^  
  
EnchantedDreamer - I hope you like the Rouge one I thought of. It's weird where inspiration may come from. Like the Blues Brothers song Rouge is singing. ^_^  
  
We got some suggestions from u guys for outtakes and since we didn't use all of them this time next issue we are gonna have an all request outtake show! So send in as many as u can think of! It would be greatly appreciated!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lilo: Welcome back to another exciting episode of The Outtake Show!  
  
Suz: HI! Did you miss us!?  
  
Audience: *Cheer, shout, applause *  
  
Lilo: Let's welcome back our two wonderful guests Wolverine and Nightcrawler!  
  
*applause mixed in with a few MARRY ME LOGAN's*  
  
::Kurt BAMF's into his chair::  
  
::Logan walks onstage and sits down just barely dodging a bra that was thrown at him::  
  
Lilo: Hey guys welcome back!  
  
W: Hey.  
  
NC:: We want to thank you for inviting us back once again.  
  
Suz:: Oh it's no problem we're glad to have ya.  
  
Lilo: Yup, it's always a pleasure. Suz, would you like to introduce our first clip of the day?  
  
Suz: Why certainly Lilo dearest. Our first clip features our very own Cyclops at his funniest. To all our Risky Business fans, this ones for you. ROLL IT!!  
  
:: The camera is on and zooming in on the entrance way of the Xavier  
mansion Bobby holding the camera and Kurt narrating their home movie::  
  
Kurt: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the Xavier Institute for gifted youngsters.....  
  
:: A piano is heard and Scott slides down the hall in nothing but tube  
socks, a work shirt and his tightie whities::  
  
::song "Old Time Rock and Roll" starts up as Scott starts dancing around in  
his underwear::  
  
::Kurt is on the ground and Bobby is having trouble steadying the camera::  
  
::suddenly the camera drops and all that's seen is dancing tube socks and  
all that's heard is Bobby and Kurt's laughter::  
  
Audience: *extreme laughter*  
  
Lilo: ::claps: that was hilarious!  
  
::Kurt grins:: I don't think any of you know how drunk he really was.  
  
Lilo: Ok now for our next clip! Logan, will you do the honors?  
  
W: Ok. This one is kinda creepy. Elf and I were walkin around the mansion with a video camera and we stumbled upon Rouge doin..........well I'll just let you find out for yourself.  
  
Suz: o.o  
  
::the guys are walking down the hall taping various mutants when they hear loud music coming from Rouge's room. They walk inside to find nobody there. They go to the closet door and open it. They reveal a makeshift shrine to Logan with candles, pictures of him and various other things that Logan had  
discarded. Rouge is dancing around and singing::  
  
Rouge: "I got everything I need. Almost. I got everything I need almost. But I don't got you......" ::picks up Logan's picture and kisses it.:: "And you're the thing I need the most..."  
  
::she turns around and sees the guys standing there stunned with the camera  
still rolling. She yells and slams the door shut.::  
  
Lilo: o.o that was..............  
  
W: Creepy?................yeah I know.... *shudders*  
  
Suz: O.o....Oh my....  
  
Lilo: ...........yikes........................... uh....Kurt! Why don't you introduce our next clip?.........please?.......I seriously need to get that outta my head......  
  
Kurt: I think we all do.  
  
Kurt: Our next clip is just a few of us playing a friendly game of risk.  
  
::Kurt, Ororo, Logan, Rogue, and Bobby are playing risk in the library::  
  
::Logan lets out a maniacal laugh::  
  
Logan: Ha! I've taken Germany!  
  
::Kurt jumps up lets out a battle cry, swipes the pieces off the board::  
  
Kurt: BLITZKREIG!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::grabs Ororo, throws her over his shoulder and BAMF's outside::  
  
Rouge: Man, not again....This is the 5th time this week!!  
  
::Bobby turns to Logan:: You just had to take Germany....AGAIN!  
  
::Suz walks over and hands Kurt a card::  
  
Suz: Here's the number of my therapist  
  
Lilo: *giggles* that kinda reminds me of my father.  
  
NC:: Heh heh.  
  
Lilo: Well that's it for today! Let's thank our lovely guests for retuning to our show!  
  
Suz: Yea let's thank Kurt and Logan!  
  
::Kurt does the Miss America wave::  
  
::Logan smirks his hunkish smirk:: *swoon*  
  
::all the Logan fans pass out in the audience::  
  
Suz: Join us next time for more outtakes! That is if they don't cancel us again...Uhh anywho! BYE!!  
  
Lilo: ::revives from major swoon:: .....Don't forget! Our next episode is and all request outtake show so send in those outtakes!...................please! BYE BYE!  
  
::Suz waves like a 5yr old ODing on pixie sticks::  
  
::Lilo smiles and waves as she slips Suz more pixie sticks::  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, that's all we have for now! R&R and DON'T FORGET TO SEND IN OUTTAKE IDEAS ok!! 3 u all! 


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